Trapped !

How does it feel to be trapped... and how does it feel to be trapped when you have absofuckinlutely no idea when or how you will see the light of freedom? I have experienced this feeling for a lifetime now.
No matter where I am or what I am doing or who am I am with... trapped in love, in friendships, in jobs, in obligations. Suffocation just looms large and I keep looking around for an escape.... I find none. I have no idea how I manage to get into these situations... I really don't... they just follow me around! I have always wanted to be free... but the oddity in my life is that I come across as a commitment addict !!! Trust me, I want to just be. Not be with anyone. However, with no particular game plan in mind I always end up in these traps ! May be they don't exist, may be they are just imaginary, stupid images just there to bug the hell outta me but sometimes I really feel like I cannot breathe. I do not know how one differentiates between love and habit. Both, at some point of time become stronger than you and take over. You then take a backseat and listen to the dictates of the likes of love and habit. By the time you realise that u have been duped into subordination it usually is too late. I have realized too late. I also let love become an habit and man am I trapped or what!
It hurts me to hurt others, but when I try and trace my steps back the claustrophobic feelings stop me. I am always being pulled in different directions. I don't want to belong, I want to own myself. How difficult can that be to explain to anyone ? Apparently, a lot! I don't own me and I can belong to none... Trapped in my own mind, my own past, my own games... I try to run but there is no escape from me !