HOLIER-THAN-THOU

I mean, what is it about you? Yes, I mean you and the whole bunch of ‘em that you lead. What do you eat? How much do you sleep at night? Do you not sleep at all? Do you stealthily stir something in your bath water that when you come out all bathed and fresh, you are not only sanitised but also holier than me? I say, I pray every day; I bathe and eat; I make friends and act gregarious; I also crack jokes. Just like you. In fact, sometimes when we have the time and I am not confessing medical insanity, we should sit down and talk about the similarities we have; we might even begin to like each other. But now, I shall only talk about the fundamental difference. You and Me.

I have lead life for 26 years now following one principle; keep the mess out. When I see trash, guess what I do with it? Duh! I trash it. There’s my heart and there is the bin. I treasure the bin more. It gobbles down all the mess, never complains, never judges, does not even protest regarding the trash-ability of things or situations or people, it does its job, that being keeping my life mess-free.

But you, on the other hand, have lived your life… seriously, I am clueless about your principle. What is it, really? You keep all of it in your heart, eh? Don’t you face space management issues? No? The dirt doesn’t bother you? When on a lonely evening you take a stroll across your life as you have lived it and you continually spot the dust lying over the emotions, or a bunch of trampled feelings, or shards of humiliations lying all over the streets; don’t you feel the incisions in your feet? Do you at least bend down, pluck off the shards, observe the wound, and feel the blood oozing out? Do you feel apologetic for not being able to bear the acuteness of the pain? Perhaps, you even contemplate walking with the shards inside the skin. But never do you feel the need to clean up. You make mistakes, you savour the deed, you shed a tear. You feel the pain, you bear the loss, but nevertheless, you keep the accounts open. Not only do you not trash them in the bin, you ingeniously did not even buy the bin, lest you are tempted.

Now, listen, don’t take me otherwise. I am not critical. I am objectively trying to understand how you lead your life the way you do. It will make for a great conversation. We shall talk about how interesting your mess is and how cold my cleanliness, also your pain and my non-chalance. We could stray a little bit to bitterness but then you will have to lead therein. I deleted all those chapters long time. I don’t remember them. And don’t you go checking in the recycle bin, you sly thing! I deleted them permanently. Fine, give the credit to shift+delete! We could also talk about making new mistakes. Too bad you’re holding onto old ones. I have a free mind and free hands.