I have nothing particular to
say today. I don’t know what to think or make of things. I feel like writing but
I have no clue how to draw you in. I am not even slightly excited about
anything for that matter.
There is nothing different
about this day. The usual running around in the morning, the gulping of the
uber strong hot cup, the half hearted bath and the complete disinterest in
embarking on a new day at work.
I feel the exhaustion
sometimes. But I am not coveting rest. Rest is scary. Rest is stagnant. So I am
hell bent on putting one foot before the other just so I keep moving, in no
particular direction. I have a journey ahead of me but no destination.
I feel something inside me
today. I have been trying to touch it since morning. I appreciate the
tangibility of things. It makes them more believable. Could that be the reason that
I have not been able to understand feelings? Because I could not touch it, feel
the material between my fingers and sense the way it feels on my skin… I can’t
even smell it or I could make do with that.
Attachment is gradually losing
meaning. There are so many things one gets attached to and then has to let go. Sometimes
one gets scared and does not get attached. But atleast one makes a decision. I
am not able to decide. To be or not to be is not the question. I am clueless
about the question itself. Would you still expect me to answer? May be I will
answer just to keep you happy. But inside me there is a storm brewing. I feel
the calm before and I am waiting for the aggression that will come thereafter.
There is no flow to my
thoughts. I am thinking of nothing in particular. But mostly I am thinking
about you.
:|
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