REAL REAL SO SURREAL !

It was that time when I was the most powerfully defenseless. When I was lying on a bed, my eyes open and mind delirious, I was not sure whether I was awake or asleep. Each and every part of my body seemed to be held in a trance. I could feel the blood being pumped from my heart down to the very finger tips, they tingled slightly. The unnerving beat of my heart and the occasional rustle of the tangled sheets seemed like music. I do not know how the sheets tangled; I thought I did not move at all.

There was a strand of hair on my cheek, one of them, may be more strands than one… but who could tell? I could feel myself shaking from within, but I knew I was not moving… I couldn’t have, not physically. But inside me there was a storm unleashed… was it a tornado of sorts that swept me right off my feet and sensibility? Who would know?

I wanted to look at the ceiling… make sure I was on the ground…. Make sure I was grounded…but the effort could be life-taking. There was a pillow under my head… I think it was a pillow; it was not as soft but very strangely more comforting. Could someone check?

My breath was heavy and so frantic, an effort to inhale the warm air, draw it in and let it go… but I was hanging on for life; maybe I was drained. My eyelids seemed wet, had I cried? My hand was above my head. I could have ascertained if I was crying. I would have if I could have. Alas, they were tied down with chains… or were they mind games? Another hand was on my body… which one… I am clueless… but it was heavy and I was possessed.

I could not see my toes… but I could see some toes… were they my toes? They didn’t move either… oh, this was hard, the camouflage.

Those could be called goose bumps on the skin… gave me a feeling something had happened. I tried harder… but oh, this insane oblivion… this luxurious nothingness… this virtual trap… this self destructive exhaustion… gave me a feeling something was taken. Will I be whole again? Who could corroborate?

It felt like I was dying a different kind of death … like an infant I was being led… into a world where I would be alive, living a different kind of life…

There was the music of the heartbeats as camouflage, there was the sweet surrender of emotions for a cover up, and there was the beauty of complacency as a mirage… oh it would have been so easy to give in… to die… to be finished, intoxicated as I was in this strange trapping of… well….who could confess ?

But I wanted a life… numbness was not my expertise, surrender never my forte, loosing never an option… so I jolted myself out of the trance, with a super human effort willed myself to sit up to clarity, broke all chains, breathed, saw, smelt…

… and also heard… A breath… the breath… so angelic that He glowed… more powerful so He could move… drawing the life out of me… oh, the irony… He knew… He could check…He could but He didn’t confess…

He was the cause and I was the result… that was the comfort under my head… the toe under my feet.. the tear in my eye… the smell on my body… the reason of the disarray of my hair… the heaviness in my breath... the possession of my being… tangled sheets and more tangled feelings…

All the while He was looking … so He could draw me into his spell again. He reached out His hand and drew me into Him… so forcibly gentle that not even divine intervention could have halted my end… as I touched His skin… I knew it was time to die… enveloped by the warm breath like mist…I happily took the risk… after all, life is a risk.