Salaam! Comrades!

If you are my friend and have put up with me for over six months, you know me better. I know how you read my posts despite disagreeing or not really comprehending my spastic ramblings. Thou shall continue, comrade!

If you are not my friend and failed to bear with me for less than a week, go take a hike!

If to be or not to be is the question, you might as well hike now. We, in all probability, will not be.

So, comrades, I have lived on the face of this earth for 27 years now and I have met you in varied roles. One day you bore me in your womb, you gave me birth and you brought up a rowdy kid in such fine loving ways that I am mildly lady-like and socially suitable now and I am definitely more humane. You held my hand and taught me walking, struggling, you paid for my education, you taught me to earn my bread and you made me independent. You also played with me, introduced me to Shakespeare and Sidney Sheldon at the same time, covered up for me aplenty, scolded me and showed me what strengths I have. You pacified my thunderous rage and patiently trained me and shared your insights and sometimes just by being with me you made me a better person.

Then again you bought me ice-cream from your pocket money, you kept me grounded and you were just happy being happy with me. You stood there with your arms around me and let me cry and be homesick, you read mushy romances with me and indulged me in my extreme shopaholism, you fondly discussed my theories on mass annihilation and taught me dating tricks, you showed me the other side of the story when I was being volatile and reactionary, you made me feel beautiful and you made me feel safe, you gave me boy-advice and supported my cause and sometimes you just let me be with my cause when you did not even support it. You magically knew when I needed you’re silence and when I needed your words. You celebrated my success with me and you showed me how small my failures really are. You advised me and you still stayed by my side when I singed my finger one more time committing the same old mistake.

Do you remember that one time when we did not speak to each other for almost a month? Or some other time when it was just half a day and that other time when you did not even know where I was? Sometimes I lied to you that I was busy and sometimes I admitted to you that I was just being weird. You laughed it off. You were probably hurt and I probably was too caught up with myself to realize that. Have I apologized to you ever? Have I said in so many words that I really am never that busy and I really am weird but not enough to not know that I missed you whenever you or I have gone missing.

That one time we fought, you screamed and I was nasty. I remember all of those times with each one of you. You made your peace with me but I have never been able to make peace with myself. All the while I prayed hard to take away the distance that crept in between us, albeit fleetingly. Would you believe, for all my sarcasm and big talk, I am just a coward deep inside? I had a whole conversation with you in my head and we laughed over our silly fight when all the while I was sitting right in front of you acting pissed and refusing to look in your direction.

Just the other day, when something so small made me feel like I want to crawl beneath the bed and lick my wounds, when I felt desolate and defeated. And you called. How did you know I needed you more than I needed success? I did not know it myself. You did not even act affected or say something extra ordinary. You were just being you, you were just being a friend. And you brought me back to myself to the extent that I could brutally joke about the same thing that had made me cry for the past two days.

So, if you’ve been a friend to me you definitely know by now how insanely selfish and narcissistic I am. You know how I get so engrossed with new things that I conveniently forget the old ones. You know how I make a blunder, then another one and then another one. You know how I break down at the smallest failing, how criminally impulsively I lead my life and how I have troubled each one of you in my ever original ways.

You also know how I can never come upto you and tell you how much you mean or anything similar to that in words. You know how I shy away when you hug me or hold me or pay me a compliment. You know me. You’re still here. You have chosen to be my friend and you’re ready to bet your last penny on me. I am just amused how high you’re stakes are!

Because I am really here for one single reason. YOU.